i have remained in the safety of my solitude for years now
convinced that i am happier this way
the bouts of loneliness tolerable and easily forgotten
so in tune with my physical urges
masturbation's rhythm coincides with natures cycle
i have learned much about myself
and how biologically driven our actions as human beings are
ovulation stimulates sex drive
i love myself
i am satisfied
at times i think it would be nice to share my life with someone
to be loved and supported
caressed and considered
that picture flees
the demand of the emotional work replaces it
attachment and loss
ideals, expectations and ultimately disappointment
my hope for romance has been spoiled
cynicism has taken over
i want to believe in the possibility
but the fear is strong
all that work to co exist with another
to build a life with another
to compromise
seems exhausting
and not always rewarding
whats the point?
to lie next to a warm body
housing a soul you will never truly fully know
but yearn for absolutely
commit to the inevitability of change
praying to grow together
otherwise cut your losses
im so afraid to take that ride again
i am content with my solitude and self induced physical release
until, i guess, i get lonely enough
