selfish

i dont want to be looked at with an empty gaze
as if any carcass would do
i dont want to wear those ridiculous strings
that get lost up my ass
just for your enjoyment
you wear them
and let me imagine
someone far away
within your flesh
im here underneath it all
without me my body is fucked
and only fucked
with no sensation
or reason
or way to enjoy it

tease

the coming of spring
its smell
its rush
brings sexual energy
no longer a genderless being
i am a girl now
at the mercy of my urges
urges which remind me how imperfect i am
how difficult it would be for me
to bare it all for a momentary fling
my fantasies evoke desires
that reality easily extinguish
my mind has been poisoned
by the predisposition of sexy
what does that mean
i dont feel fat until spring
maybe its a blessing
this inability to give over to the iconography of sex
(it's the one thing i miss about getting inebriated)
forcing real connection
waiting for it
into the depths of celibacy
knowing that when it comes
so will i