intention

it's amazing to me how much of a daily, even momentary reprieve it is to keep connected to the flow of life/creativity/freedom. so many self defeating innate mechanisms that are triggered for me when i am inspired and come alive.....almost immediately as if in direct opposition, negative compulsive thinking begins....what is it in me that refuses to allow my life to unfold in freedom? resistance....the intensity of fear is astounding.....fear of what? fear of letting go...leaving the ground.....lack of trust....lack of faith....i'm a battleground. I must exercise my faith and trust constantly....but it feels like i'm shoveling a driveway in a snowstorm....the effort to keep it clear is profound...i must stay ever present and connected to the task at hand. i have come to a place in my life where i feel that keeping clear is my one true task and the rest will reveal itself in the clarity of connection to life/god/consciousness/the universe....i must allow life to flow through me....creativity to flow out of me...i am a channel...to be used as part of the divine unfolding of the universe itself..all for the greater good.

i believe that the difficulty is in detaching from self centered fear based ego. most of what i have been conditioned to see and believe growing up in this world is all ego enforcing...society....self centered, consuming, fear based, not connected....collectively leading to self destruction....when will we awaken? i am awake...i write this because i am not afraid to reveal myself anymore....i am choosing to let go of the fear of judgement...the fear of rejection...the fear of failure....who gives a fuck...i am here now..alive...and what is life without the freedom of self expression...words of truth need to come into the light of consciousness....there needs to be an awakening!

i plan to blog my journey or should i say my wrestling away from the grips of unconsciousness and ego identification....breaking free from compulsive behavior...addiction...co-dependency....depression...what purpose all of these outlets truely served for me.....what is underneath that drove me to these self dissolving escapes.....i don't have the answers but my hope is that through writing it all down maybe i can myself discover some profound aspect of the human condition. these really big issues that i mention plaque many of us and are major blocks in our lives and therefore in the world itself...these are the things to look at with hopes of understanding and therefore liberation and therefore the expansion of love/goodness/peace....this is my intention